Saturday, October 20, 2007

I Don't Feel Fortified...

Remember back in the day? Back when you had never even heard of a Power Bar or a Clif Bar, or Lord help us, Gu? Ah, but what about the Tiger's Milk Bar? That's right, "America's Original Nutrition Bar". It says so right there on the wrapper. Remember when you bought one of those things for the first time? You took a bite of that slightly peanut buttery-slightly nasty thing and you could just feel the energy bursting through your veins? I mean, I thought "a couple more of these babies and I'll be kicking some and taking some just like Jan-Michael Vincent on "Airwolf"!

And now, twenty, well maybe thirty, years later, I eat a Clif Bar (chocolate mint) almost once a day, and I get nothin'. In fact, I don't even expect anything. Forty vitamins and minerals, all natural, organic, no trans fat...whatever, it's no Tiger's Milk Bar.

And I've got the guns to prove it.


  1. Great googly moogly! I haven't seen pythons like that since my trip to Africa. (OK, I've never been to Africa, and they look a little more like the garter snakes in my back yard, but I stand by my original comment of (and I quote) GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!)