Five Years...Ten Posts: Fifth Anniversary of the R's!

Yeah, I know that's too many candles...nevertheless...

It's been five years today.

Let's take a look back at the very first post, from October 20, 2007.



I DON'T FEEL FORTIFIED...

Remember back in the day? Back when you had never even heard of a Power Bar or a Clif Bar, or Lord help us, Gu? Ah, but what about the Tiger's Milk Bar? That's right, "America's Original Nutrition Bar". It says so right there on the wrapper. Remember when you bought one of those things for the first time? You took a bite of that slightly peanut buttery-slightly nasty thing and you could just feel the energy bursting through your veins? I mean, I thought "a couple more of these babies and I'll be kicking some and taking some just like Jan-Michael Vincent on "Airwolf"!

And now, twenty, well maybe thirty, years later, I eat a Clif Bar (chocolate mint) almost once a day, and I get nothin'. In fact, I don't even expect anything. Forty vitamins and minerals, all natural, organic, no trans fat...whatever, it's no Tiger's Milk Bar.

And I've got the guns to prove it.



...and I've got to print the comments:

Jenlo said...
Nice Guns!

October 21, 2007 3:13 PM
Steve Robinson said...
Great googly moogly! I haven't seen pythons like that since my trip to Africa. (OK, I've never been to Africa, and they look a little more like the garter snakes in my back yard, but I stand by my original comment of (and I quote) GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!)

October 31, 2007 8:59 AM

Ah, I miss you, Steve.

Clif Bar Seasonal Flavor - Peppermint Stick

It's energy bar review time!

First, let's start off with the two Clif Bar seasonal flavors that I'm not reviewing this time around: Spiced Pumpkin Pie and Iced Gingerbread. I'm really not a Pumpkin Pie type person, so I wouldn't be crazy about that one anyway, but the fact remains that all three of these seasonal flavors are acquired tastes. And barely energy bars. They're really more like a slightly healthy dessert than a pre-race snack.

But let's take a taste of the new guy - the Peppermint Stick Clif Bar. Pow! It's really peppermint-y! This has a super strong Peppermint taste. If you like candy canes, you'll absolutely love this Clif Bar. If you don't enjoy candy canes, then don't even bother with this one. I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed that there was no hint of chocolate in this guy. I mean, who doesn't love peppermint bark? Even a few chocolate chips thrown into this one would have made quite a difference. For the better. I believe it does have white chocolate chips in it, but as we all know "white chocolate" is just another word for "not chocolate."

Good, but not great. A tad boring. If you're looking for a mint fix, I'd stick with the Cool Mint Chocolate. You know, this one right here.

Peppermint Stick Clif Bar: 6 Bonkers

Bonk Happy with Sport Beans

For something completely different, let's give Sport Beans a whirl. Cool beans! Right?

Well, first, these little guys are tasty. They're tart and juicy and only slightly sweet. Nothing like regular jelly beans, which is impressive, considering Sport Beans are made by none other than Jelly Belly themselves.

So the first ingredient on these is Cane Juice, then Tapioca Syrup, then citric acid, then a bunch of juices. They've got B1, B2, B3, and Vitamin C. No fat, and only 100 calories per bag.

I was a little worried about trying to eat these during a run. I could just picture myself tossing one down my throat and having to get the Heimlech from some biker going by. But they're actually much softer and chewier than regular jelly beans - I think they'd be fine during a race.

You should be able to find these at about a buck per bag. Not cheap, because they go pretty fast, but not outrageous either.

I was expecting something close to Clif Bloks with these, but they're way, WAY, better than those. I'd definitely try these again.

Let's say 8 Bonkers out of 10...maybe 9. They're good.

Bonk Happy with Luna Bar!

Unless you're a guy!

I gotta tell ya, I think Clif Bar is making a mistake by marketing these Luna Bars exclusively to women.

First, the reasoning: Luna Bars are high in Calcium, Folic Acid and Iron. Supposedly, women have trouble getting enough of those nutrients. Well ok, but those nutrients aren't exactly bad for men. Anybody would benefit from a decent dose.

Second, and this is a big one. A regular Cool Mint Chocolate Clif Bar contains 240 calories. If you're looking at that as a between meal snack, it's pretty hefty. A Chocolate Peppermint Stick Luna Bar contains 180 calories. Mainly because it's smaller. Still, if you're hitting these somewhat regularly, those 60 extra calories can add up fast. Strangely enough though, they both have 5 grams of total fat.

Third, I actually enjoy the Peppermint taste of the Luna Bar a little more than the Spearmint taste of the Clif Bar, although they're both very yummy.

Fourth, well fourth is a point for the Clif Bar. It's got 50mg of caffeine. In my book, that's a huge plus. I'm not a coffee drinker, so I take my caffeine anywhere I can find it.

Fifth, the Clif Bar has cool frosting stripes but the Luna Bar has a side frosted with white frosting and red sprinkles. That's a push.

It's a tough call, but I'll admit it: I'm not afraid to buy a bar that's labeled "The Whole Nutrition Bar for Women."

I just say I'm buying them for the wife.

Cool Mint Chocolate Clif Bar: 9 Bonkers

Chocolate Peppermint Stick Luna Bar: 10 Bonkers

Bonk Happy with Clif Bloks!

Or not, as the case may be.

Let me assure you, there is no bigger fan of Clif Bar than me. Given the choice of any energy bar available, I'll take a Clif Bar pretty much 99% of the time. They're just quality.

But these Clif Bloks things are a whole different story.

They're straight-up nasty!

Picture Jello blocks, made with double the sugar, then not mixed up very well, and you've got the general idea of Clif Bloks. I'd say they're like eating candy, but they're too sweet to be candy.

And frankly...I like candy.

Hey, I'm sure they'll do the trick as far as your carbo needs. I mean, sugar is sugar, right? But could we try to make them at least somewhat palatable?

I'm gonna say 2 BONKERS. Out of 10.

And that's just because I'm a nice guy.

Bonk Happy with Honey Stinger!

Yes, it's time for another Energy Bar review.

Now, before we get started on our latest review, let's review something else: the R's take on energy bars!

The R's says, and I quote, "Energy bars are utterly worthless."

Now don't get me wrong - I spend more money on energy bars than just about anyone out there. But do they offer athletes anything that an english muffin with peanut butter and a glass of chocolate milk doesn't? Well, convenience. That's it. So don't think I'm promoting these things past the fact that they're easy to put in your pocket. So why do I review? Simple, we all eat them, and in the end they're all about the same...except for one small thing. The taste! If you're going to bonk anyway, why bonk after eating somthing nasty?

Bonk happy!

That said, let's review!

So the Honey Stinger. I got the Peanut Butter 'n Honey flavor. Why? Cause I thought the Berry one sounded slightly nasty. Maybe I'll try that one later.

So first - the label. It says "over 30% Honey." That's good, I guess. As far as sugar products go, it's better than "30% high fructose corn syrup" anyway. It also says "chocolately soy coated bottom." I'm gonna say "chocolately soy coated bottoms" sound fun in the bedroom, not so much on my energy bar. I'm a little wary of that "y" on the end of "chocolate." What, regular chocolate isn't good enough for Honey Stinger?

Anyway, to the back of the label. It's got 190 calories, which is pretty light for an energy bar, so that's cool. It's also got your usual collection of added vitamins and minerals, which is okey-dokey with me. Not a whole lot of saturated fat, which is nice after our last review of that Perfect Zone thing. I'm still trying to work off that one.

A little protein from the soy...and that's about it. So let's move on...

Now the important stuff: the taste! Well, it's a lot - a whole lot - like a Tiger's Milk bar. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, Tiger's Milk...dude, they were old school before there even was a school! So I guess, if Honey Stinger is going to copy somebody's taste, Tiger's Milk isn't a bad way to go.

It's sort of peanuty, sort of honeyey, sort of chocolatey (damn, there's that "y" again), sort of old-schooly. What can I say? It's pretty tasty. Not as tasty as the Perfect Zone I reviewed last time, but maybe that's the lack of saturated fat!

I'm gonna give it 7 "bonkers" total. Yes, that's out of ten - c'mon, work with me here.

Energy Bar Review - Zone Perfect

Well, it's finally gotten to that point.

When the energy bar section at the local Fred Meyer only covered 59% of the total shelf space of the entire grocery section, I figured, "Nah, I don't need to bother talking about these things...probably just a passing fad."

But today, my friends, the local Fred Meyer Health Section Shelf Restocking Lackey jammed one more box of Energy Bars onto the shelf (probably the 167th variety of Clif Bar) and BAM! We're over 60%.

So I think we need to discuss this energy bar thing.

Therefore, from here out, at totally random intervals due to my shopping schedule and patience, the R's will put on a blindfold, walk through the Energy Bar aisle, and stick the tail on a random bar.

Then review it.

And today's bar is: Zone Perfect Double Dark Chocolate!

I don't know, apparently this bar follows the Zone Diet (although Wikipedia says I don't have to capitalize it...zone diet), which is a 40-30-30 split of carbs, protein, and fat in a person's daily diet.

I understand the 30% fat thing - this damn bar has 25% of your daily saturated fat...yikes! It does also has quite a bit of protein, from the soy nuggets, I guess. And it says it all natural, but I count 53 ingredients, and that's before you get to the added vitamins and minerals. Yes, 53!

Whatever. I don't believe in any Zone Diet or any other diet with a capitalized name that starts with a A or a Z. Or pretty much any letter in between.

But I do believe in the taste of this baby! Damn, it's good! I guess that's what happens when you put five grams of saturated fat in there - yummy! If you like chocolate, this would make a good dessert bar for you. Energy bar? I don't know about that, but at least you'll bonk happy!

Let's give it 6 bonkers! That would be 9 for the taste and 3 for the fat content. Yeah, that's 12...divide by two...that's 6...that's what I said, smart guy!