Hey, there's a new SpongeBob on!

Or, Diary of a Standardized Test Scorer, Part III

OK, let's get right to it. After reading hundreds, and hundreds, and hundreds...and hundreds of standardized test writing responses, I've come to this conclusion: 1.3% of American children are reading books and 98.7% are watching T.V. Jeez, parents...just turn the stinking thing off for a moment, will you? There's so little original thinking in the writing I'm seeing - it's all just re-hashed episodes of T.V. shows and movies. Want to help your child become a original thinker, writer, dare I say...imaginer? Then get their eyes off the screen and make them read and play and bike and run and write and paint and swim and fish...and you get the idea.

OK, I'm stepping down now. The soapbox is available for anyone else that needs it.

Diary of a Standardized Test Scorer, Part II...

...Or, Were I but a Werewolf, I wouldn't know where to live.

OK, let's review. "Were" and "Where" are two different words. They are not pronounced the same, they're not spelled the same, and they're sure as hell not interchangeable.

Elementary teachers of the world, please take note.

Damn you, Merriam-Webster!

(or, as Bullwinkle would say) "or, Diary of a Standardized Test Scorer, Part I"

So apparently, Merriam-Webster, in their infinite wisdom, has decided to include the word "ginormous" in their latest edition. And don't think that elementary students across the country don't know it. I've seen the sad results.

Now, it's one thing for a new word to be coined where there is a need, and no decent alternative already exists, but it's a whole different ball of wax here...

big, huge, enormous, giant, gigantic, massive, gargantuan, large, behemoth, colossal, immense, jumbo, mammoth, mighty, monster, monumental, monstrous, prodigious, mountainous, stupendous, titanic, tremendous, vast...

Enough with the "ginormous" already.