Clif Bar Seasonal Flavor - Peppermint Stick

It's energy bar review time!

First, let's start off with the two Clif Bar seasonal flavors that I'm not reviewing this time around: Spiced Pumpkin Pie and Iced Gingerbread. I'm really not a Pumpkin Pie type person, so I wouldn't be crazy about that one anyway, but the fact remains that all three of these seasonal flavors are acquired tastes. And barely energy bars. They're really more like a slightly healthy dessert than a pre-race snack.

But let's take a taste of the new guy - the Peppermint Stick Clif Bar. Pow! It's really peppermint-y! This has a super strong Peppermint taste. If you like candy canes, you'll absolutely love this Clif Bar. If you don't enjoy candy canes, then don't even bother with this one. I have to admit, I was a bit disappointed that there was no hint of chocolate in this guy. I mean, who doesn't love peppermint bark? Even a few chocolate chips thrown into this one would have made quite a difference. For the better. I believe it does have white chocolate chips in it, but as we all know "white chocolate" is just another word for "not chocolate."

Good, but not great. A tad boring. If you're looking for a mint fix, I'd stick with the Cool Mint Chocolate. You know, this one right here.

Peppermint Stick Clif Bar: 6 Bonkers

Bonk Happy with Sport Beans

For something completely different, let's give Sport Beans a whirl. Cool beans! Right?

Well, first, these little guys are tasty. They're tart and juicy and only slightly sweet. Nothing like regular jelly beans, which is impressive, considering Sport Beans are made by none other than Jelly Belly themselves.

So the first ingredient on these is Cane Juice, then Tapioca Syrup, then citric acid, then a bunch of juices. They've got B1, B2, B3, and Vitamin C. No fat, and only 100 calories per bag.

I was a little worried about trying to eat these during a run. I could just picture myself tossing one down my throat and having to get the Heimlech from some biker going by. But they're actually much softer and chewier than regular jelly beans - I think they'd be fine during a race.

You should be able to find these at about a buck per bag. Not cheap, because they go pretty fast, but not outrageous either.

I was expecting something close to Clif Bloks with these, but they're way, WAY, better than those. I'd definitely try these again.

Let's say 8 Bonkers out of 10...maybe 9. They're good.

Bonk Happy with Luna Bar!

Unless you're a guy!

I gotta tell ya, I think Clif Bar is making a mistake by marketing these Luna Bars exclusively to women.

First, the reasoning: Luna Bars are high in Calcium, Folic Acid and Iron. Supposedly, women have trouble getting enough of those nutrients. Well ok, but those nutrients aren't exactly bad for men. Anybody would benefit from a decent dose.

Second, and this is a big one. A regular Cool Mint Chocolate Clif Bar contains 240 calories. If you're looking at that as a between meal snack, it's pretty hefty. A Chocolate Peppermint Stick Luna Bar contains 180 calories. Mainly because it's smaller. Still, if you're hitting these somewhat regularly, those 60 extra calories can add up fast. Strangely enough though, they both have 5 grams of total fat.

Third, I actually enjoy the Peppermint taste of the Luna Bar a little more than the Spearmint taste of the Clif Bar, although they're both very yummy.

Fourth, well fourth is a point for the Clif Bar. It's got 50mg of caffeine. In my book, that's a huge plus. I'm not a coffee drinker, so I take my caffeine anywhere I can find it.

Fifth, the Clif Bar has cool frosting stripes but the Luna Bar has a side frosted with white frosting and red sprinkles. That's a push.

It's a tough call, but I'll admit it: I'm not afraid to buy a bar that's labeled "The Whole Nutrition Bar for Women."

I just say I'm buying them for the wife.

Cool Mint Chocolate Clif Bar: 9 Bonkers

Chocolate Peppermint Stick Luna Bar: 10 Bonkers

Bonk Happy with Clif Bloks!

Or not, as the case may be.

Let me assure you, there is no bigger fan of Clif Bar than me. Given the choice of any energy bar available, I'll take a Clif Bar pretty much 99% of the time. They're just quality.

But these Clif Bloks things are a whole different story.

They're straight-up nasty!

Picture Jello blocks, made with double the sugar, then not mixed up very well, and you've got the general idea of Clif Bloks. I'd say they're like eating candy, but they're too sweet to be candy.

And frankly...I like candy.

Hey, I'm sure they'll do the trick as far as your carbo needs. I mean, sugar is sugar, right? But could we try to make them at least somewhat palatable?

I'm gonna say 2 BONKERS. Out of 10.

And that's just because I'm a nice guy.

Bonk Happy with LARABAR!

Gluten free. Dairy free. Soy free. Non-GMO. Vegan. Kosher.

It's hard to argue with that. LARABAR gets to make all of those claims about its energy bars - and for a simple reason: they use very few ingredients. The Peanut Butter Cookie flavor, which the R's tested, contains Peanuts, Dates, and Salt. That's it. The Cherry Pie flavor, which the R's tested as well, contains Dates, Almonds, and Cherries.

So they're simple, which is good, although they do not have the added vitamins and minerals that many energy bars contain, if you're into such things. They're not extremely light on the calories, but again, at least you're sure the calories are all coming from natural sources.

Now for the important part: the taste! As usual, the bars were subjected to a strict, scientific testing process at the R's Laboratory, which is to say I did my best to make everyone in the family try at least one bite of each bar.

The results? Well...they varied.

I liked the Peanut Butter Cookie flavor very much. It was yummy. It was tasty. And for having three ingredients, it did actually taste quite a bit like a peanut butter cookie. Carson also enjoyed it.

Jen hated it. I don't mean she disliked it - she hated it. I think she spit it in the sink. Payton also acted like he hated it, but I think he just wanted to be like his mother.

None of us really liked the Cherry Pie flavor, which was strange because I thought that one would be right up Jen's alley. It was not to be. Apparently, she's not into natural foods as much as I may have thought. Apparently, she likes chemicals.

So the Cherry Pie is easy: let's say 5 BONKERS. And only that high because it's so "natural."

The Peanut Butter Cookie is tougher. I would give it 8 bonkers - it was good. Jen would probably give it 2 bonkers - and she'd probably give dirt a 3 or 4. So officially, let's give it 7 BONKERS. Why so much closer to my score than hers? It's my blog! Haven't you been paying attention?

Power Bar Fruit Smoothie Energy Bar Review!

Yeah, it's got a fancy new wrapper, but the R's is going to let you in on a little secret: shhhh, listen...the Berry Blast Fruit Smoothie Power Bar is really just the old Berry flavor Power Bar.

Yep, it's true.

Not that there's anything wrong with that! I was always a fan of the old Berry Power Bar and well, let's face it, that's all this one is. Now if you've somehow never had a Power Bar, they're definitely old school. These things are not your newfangled, whole grain, antioxidant, protein powered, energy bars. In fact, I'm pretty sure the first ingredient is sugar, although they call it "evaporated cane juice syrup." Yeah, sounds like sugar. Although, this Power Bar does have fruit of some form or another for a number of ingredients after that.

I've got to tell you though, that pretty purple color of the bar? Yeah, that's not from the berries. Keep scrolling and you'll see "beet juice." Yeah, that's the pretty purple color.

The numbers are ok: 220 calories. Very little fat, and almost no saturated fat (that's the sugar as the first ingredient), but also not a whole lot of carbs or protein, or even added vitamins and minerals. This one is pretty much for quick energy only.

So to the taste - like I said, it's pretty good. I verified it by offering bites to the kids.

"It's delicious," said Payton.
"Religious?" asked Jen.
"No, delicious!" said Payton.
"Oh."

So there you have it. It's religious!

Oh, and the children are also the reason for the odd bite pattern. You know...cooties.

Not much going for it except the taste, but for taste only, let's give it: 8 Bonkers!

Bonk Happy with FRS Healthy Energy!

Or not.

Hey, it sounded good. Citrus Pomegranate flavor. First couple ingrediants are Water, White Grape Juice and Orange Juice. Supposed to have a bunch of antioxidants.

How could it go wrong?

Well, if you didn't open the can, I guess it wouldn't...but I did.

As soon as I poured it in the glass, I noticed an "off" smell. I'm not even sure what it is, but it didn't smell good. So I took a taste. Same deal. There's a taste in there that shouldn't be in there. What was it? I'm not even sure. It just didn't taste...right.

So I went back to the ingredients. Hmmmm, only things on there that are possibilities are Inulin and Quercetin.

Wikipedia says Quercetin is a flavonol which may have inflammatory and antioxidant properties. Sounds good. Of course, it doesn't mention if it tastes like foot sweat, so I'm not sure if this is the culprit or not.

OK, Wikipedia says Inulin is a plant-based sugar replacement. Supposed to have some properties that are better than sugar. Also, does not mention how awful it may or may not taste.

So I still don't know why the FRS tastes funky, but I know it does. I couldn't choke down the whole can, that's for sure.

On the positive side, Payton drank quite a bit of it and said it tasted "pretty good." And he's more picky about food than I am, if that's possible.

So...I'm going to give it 3 "bonkers" purely on the taste. Who knows, if you can choke down the whole can, it might cure both cancer and the common cold, but I just couldn't do it. Payton says 7 "bonkers."

I guess we can average it out and give it 5 "bonkers" total. Good luck and Godspeed.

Bonk Happy with Honey Stinger!

Yes, it's time for another Energy Bar review.

Now, before we get started on our latest review, let's review something else: the R's take on energy bars!

The R's says, and I quote, "Energy bars are utterly worthless."

Now don't get me wrong - I spend more money on energy bars than just about anyone out there. But do they offer athletes anything that an english muffin with peanut butter and a glass of chocolate milk doesn't? Well, convenience. That's it. So don't think I'm promoting these things past the fact that they're easy to put in your pocket. So why do I review? Simple, we all eat them, and in the end they're all about the same...except for one small thing. The taste! If you're going to bonk anyway, why bonk after eating somthing nasty?

Bonk happy!

That said, let's review!

So the Honey Stinger. I got the Peanut Butter 'n Honey flavor. Why? Cause I thought the Berry one sounded slightly nasty. Maybe I'll try that one later.

So first - the label. It says "over 30% Honey." That's good, I guess. As far as sugar products go, it's better than "30% high fructose corn syrup" anyway. It also says "chocolately soy coated bottom." I'm gonna say "chocolately soy coated bottoms" sound fun in the bedroom, not so much on my energy bar. I'm a little wary of that "y" on the end of "chocolate." What, regular chocolate isn't good enough for Honey Stinger?

Anyway, to the back of the label. It's got 190 calories, which is pretty light for an energy bar, so that's cool. It's also got your usual collection of added vitamins and minerals, which is okey-dokey with me. Not a whole lot of saturated fat, which is nice after our last review of that Perfect Zone thing. I'm still trying to work off that one.

A little protein from the soy...and that's about it. So let's move on...

Now the important stuff: the taste! Well, it's a lot - a whole lot - like a Tiger's Milk bar. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, Tiger's Milk...dude, they were old school before there even was a school! So I guess, if Honey Stinger is going to copy somebody's taste, Tiger's Milk isn't a bad way to go.

It's sort of peanuty, sort of honeyey, sort of chocolatey (damn, there's that "y" again), sort of old-schooly. What can I say? It's pretty tasty. Not as tasty as the Perfect Zone I reviewed last time, but maybe that's the lack of saturated fat!

I'm gonna give it 7 "bonkers" total. Yes, that's out of ten - c'mon, work with me here.

Energy Bar Review - Zone Perfect

Well, it's finally gotten to that point.

When the energy bar section at the local Fred Meyer only covered 59% of the total shelf space of the entire grocery section, I figured, "Nah, I don't need to bother talking about these things...probably just a passing fad."

But today, my friends, the local Fred Meyer Health Section Shelf Restocking Lackey jammed one more box of Energy Bars onto the shelf (probably the 167th variety of Clif Bar) and BAM! We're over 60%.

So I think we need to discuss this energy bar thing.

Therefore, from here out, at totally random intervals due to my shopping schedule and patience, the R's will put on a blindfold, walk through the Energy Bar aisle, and stick the tail on a random bar.

Then review it.

And today's bar is: Zone Perfect Double Dark Chocolate!

I don't know, apparently this bar follows the Zone Diet (although Wikipedia says I don't have to capitalize it...zone diet), which is a 40-30-30 split of carbs, protein, and fat in a person's daily diet.

I understand the 30% fat thing - this damn bar has 25% of your daily saturated fat...yikes! It does also has quite a bit of protein, from the soy nuggets, I guess. And it says it all natural, but I count 53 ingredients, and that's before you get to the added vitamins and minerals. Yes, 53!

Whatever. I don't believe in any Zone Diet or any other diet with a capitalized name that starts with a A or a Z. Or pretty much any letter in between.

But I do believe in the taste of this baby! Damn, it's good! I guess that's what happens when you put five grams of saturated fat in there - yummy! If you like chocolate, this would make a good dessert bar for you. Energy bar? I don't know about that, but at least you'll bonk happy!

Let's give it 6 bonkers! That would be 9 for the taste and 3 for the fat content. Yeah, that's 12...divide by two...that's 6...that's what I said, smart guy!